Ewe and me

Must Do

2010-02-08T17:39:00.000-08:00

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When a blog moves does it make a noise?

2010-02-08T17:10:00.001-08:00

If you're reading this, you've found the blog in it's new home. Welcome!

Political Following

2008-10-28T20:05:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my new hobby - poem writing, which I believe makes me a poemist...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
The audacity of hope
Really only involves you

Don't look to the President
A program or man
But make a life for yourself
Make a goal, make a plan.

Don't vote for someone
Who promises money, houses or boat
It's a bunch of hooey
To simply get a vote.

Sheep don't need a politician
redistributing wealth I've heard
We simply enjoy our lives
And follow a Good Shepard.

By Ginger the sheep,
a poemest (or poemerista if I worked at Starbucks)

Covered by Wool - for the Girls

2008-07-18T21:49:00.000-07:00

Commercial first - we have a new greeting card at http://www.fattenedcalf.com/ and we're offering free shipping for a limited time. Blah, blah, blah - frankly I'm a little bitter that the owner is casting himself in most of the cards these days. Anyone can do my little marketing job - I am truly an actress...

I captured this flower in Mexico early in the morning. It reminds me of the beauty God has created all over the earth. It's like this flower's only job is to be beautiful. (I wish that were my only job - I also have to do marketing.)

Anyway, I hate to get all philosophical on you but this began as I was shopping with a friend and her 10 year old daughter - and all good things come from shopping...

There was NOT a nice, modest outfit for a ten year old girl to wear. It was very sad. The flower's beauty above is so simple - it's not showing anything off - it's just what it is, a beautiful flower. This ten year old girl was beautiful too just for who she was, yet the store was only going to sell her something low-cut, tight, low hanging or showing belly. No wonder you humans have such low self esteem. You make even your young think they can't dress modestly and be beautiful. You are beautiful. Don't equate sexuality with beauty and you might find a little more joy in life.

Even when my wool is sheared I ask to keep enough to remain modest, and I wear wool all summer long so don't tell me modest clothes are too warm!

Just be like the flower - simple beauty.

End of philosophy and sadness - we're in the shoe aisle now and they have a two for one sale.

I lost two people...

2008-03-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

So here's all I did. I ate less food - about 1500 calories a day, and that includes chocolate. I hopped on the treadmill 4 times a week and lifted a few weights at home.

Bam. 20lbs gone!

That's the same weight as two of the little babies pictured here. Like that much more weight used to be hiding under my wool and now...gone!

Just from tracking what I ate (free website...sparkpeople.com) and exercised.

No Turbo Jam, no Richard Simmons, no funky machine where you bend yourself funny. Just watched what I ate for 4 months.

You can do it too.

We need to make a greeting card about losing weight so I can send it to myself. It's time to see if I fit into that swimsuit again (not made out of wool...)

Stolen Sleds

2008-02-16T14:42:00.000-08:00

It's been awhile. I was out of town at a funeral with Jean-Luc in a wonderful little town in Minn. where the internet is something they use for fishing. I will miss that town, the people, the honesty because when I returned I fell victim to the amazing sled scam.

I was with some little ewelings going up and down the snow hill when I noticed some unknown bratling talking to a eweling I had brought. As I approached, I hear the bratling say, "Why did you steal my sled? Mine was a blue sled."

Apparantly this little bratling somehow owns all blue sleds in the known universe and has kindly be leasing them out to those of us who gave money to Wal-Mart mistakingly thinking we had bought the blue plastic sled.

"Sorry, this is my sled," my eweling held firm. The bratling walked away.

A little bit later, I find the same bratling with some teenbratlings asking my eweling why he stole the sled. I approached and said as firmly as a ewe can, "We brought this sled! He did not steal your sled."

We left.

Then across the snow I see a burly man approaching wearing a T-shirt, stained with either blood or spaghetti sauce. "Hey ewe! Why are you stealing our sled?!" No hey, maybe there's been a mistake.

I assumed my Ninja stance, a young ewe can never be too careful, and restated my case, "We brought this sled."

"Lady, my son had a blue sled."

"Look, sir, there were 50 people on that hill I have no idea what happened to your's son's sled, but we brought this one. You weren't even there."

Apparantly when he watches Jerry Springer he has the volume turned up too loud, because his ears didn't seem to be working. "My son brought the blue sled. I can't believe someone would steal a sled."

I thought for a bit. The card company has been doing well. We're in 18 stores in 11 states now so I debated my next move. "You seem to need a sled more than we do. Here," and I let him steal our sled.

So here's my problem as a Christian ewe. I only seem to be able to forgive the man and his family if God seeks justice for my lost sled. I can do better than that...it's a sled.

Anger can be a dark slope into evil and it's hard to get back up that hill. Way too deep for me. I need to go get my hooves done.

Have Eweself a Merry Little Holiday

2007-11-19T20:42:00.000-08:00

It's Here! And it's only available online!

The new Christmas Card (the front is pictured to the left) is out! In typical Fattened Calf style, we are taking potshots at political correctness AND reminding folks what Christmas is about.

View and purchase the entire card at: http://www.fattenedcalf.com/gear.html

By the way, if you're watching Fattened Calf grow, we just added stores in Iowa and Tennessee last week. Thank you to everyone for their support!

Now to the most important issue this and every Christmas. Based upon my recent unscientific survey, approximately 10 Billion Christmas lights get throw away each year because we are too annoyed to try and figure out which bulb is causing the problem. I put a call in to Al Gore about this and getting it in his next movie, but ever since the whole Nobel Peace Prize thing, he hasn't been returning my calls. I think it went to his head.

Anyway, we put a man on the moon, so why can we not figure this light thing out?!?!?

I do have a theory that if we would just start plugging the lights into the USB plugins on our computers, things would change. It seems like science is leading us straight to the USB plugin thingee - so lets make the change and see if we can make it ONE year of taking the lights out of storage and working right off!

Which brings up another point - aren't we supposed to be using those funky florescent - lasts for a million years and has mercury in it - light bulbs? Where are the funky Christmas light bulbs? I'm guessing they're scared to make them since they can't promise that they'll last any longer than a normal Christmas light.

Sorry, didn't mean to rant but pulling those little lights out with hooves is a pain...

Honestly, plugging my iPod into the USB connector portal thing is a pain too with hooves, but at least it works when I go and get it the next time.

How overweight are Ewe?

2007-10-23T21:09:00.000-07:00

When you're a Greeting Card actress like I am, the cellulite circles you like a shark trying to ruin your career. Many Greeting Card actresses smoke because the taxes fund our health care system. I'm not so kind as they are - not only does smoking kill you and your lungs, but it turns my wool yellow just being around it.

So this ewe must diet.

Even though my boss, Jean-Luc the cow, has assured me he won't fire me even if I get as chunky as Britney Spears, I still want to take care of myself.

I'm thinking even though there are bunches of diets available for 3 easy payments of $19.99 I might just try to exercise more and, well, eat less. Maybe I'll put together some DVD's and start marketing it - "Let Ewe trim you"

Would you trust an exercise/diet program from a company called "Fattened Calf? We'd include a free greeting card!

Sadly though, I think I know my problem. I'm a big fan of Rachael Ray so I've been putting some Extra Virgin Olive Oil on many of my meals. I'm starting to wonder if even though it's "good fat", if maybe it's making me bad fat.

Speaking of which, with the success of our company, I may have an invitation tied up to go on Rachael's show - which was great until I saw the episode on roast lamb. I'm a little concerned WHY I'm invited now. That shark picture may have new meaning now that I think about it...

Helping US Automakers

2007-10-14T20:07:00.000-07:00

Today I don't want to talk about any clever solutions, but more a marketing idea. As Interim Marketing Director for Fattened Calf, I have been coming up with ideas like 99 cent shipping to help sales.

But this is for any of the big thee automakers (excuse the balloon picture - it's transportation which is kinda like cars), to use after sending a check for $87,200.

It seems the manual transmission is slowly being replaced by the automatic which loses some of the fun in driving. So here's a transition for you to help those that can't seem to handle a clutch and shifter (which I can manage even with hooves).

The "semi-automatic" transmission. How cool does that sound? Feel the power of a semi-automatic [car-name]! There are some cars already out there with something similar but not named correctly.

You put a little button down on the shifter to replace the clutch and maybe even have the car shift if it's in dire need to and the driver can't recognize it.

What do you drive? Oh I drive a semi-automatic. Now that's cool. First American car maker to send the check gets the name and my design ideas. I'll even help with more marketing ideas. That's the kind of gal I am.

I'd offer it to foreign companies, but a semi-automatic Prius sounds weird. Like no matter what politic party you belong to, it seems like your betraying them.

I've eaten plenty of grass on the plains of America, today I'm giving back...

The Two State Dance

2007-10-08T17:06:00.000-07:00

Our greeting cards are now in two states! Illinois and New Jersey.

I'm having a difficult time associating the two states, however. NJ has a state bird of the Eastern Goldfinch while IL is the Northern Cardinal. Not even close except they're both pretty.

I don't know about NJ, but Illinois loves to fund good things with strange ideas. So like for example in order for Illinois to pay for kids health insurance, we need lots of people to go gamble away their money...oh and maybe even smoke! So it's kind of like a never ending cycle. As long as people smoke and go to casinos, IL will have the money to pay for kids insurance which is weird cause that would not be much incentive for kids not to smoke - how will they get their insurance paid for?

I don't know what New Jersey pays for their kids insurance with.

Honestly, not something I worry about. Veterinarians are much cheaper than doctors...and sheep don't smoke.

2007-10-01T16:36:00.000-07:00

Eugene the "snapping turtle" yelled at me the other day. Why you might ask? Because I was eating carrots.
I'm a sheep - we can't eat with our mouth closed and how can anyone eat carrots quietly.

Is that why people started cooking carrots - to make them soft and quiet?

Can we do that with other things. Glass causes so many cuts. What if we cooked it? I certainly wouldn't mind cooking one of those glass coffee tables that everybody always bumps into.

What about those noisy toys that children play with. Cook them to make them quiet?

How about a balding turtle with an attitude lately. Maybe some cooking would soften him up... :)

Used Car Dentists

2007-09-17T17:42:00.000-07:00

Had my teeth cleaned today. What is up with this deal where they show you a picture of your cavity on a TV? Gross.

Are dentists thought to be that untrustworthy? The guy at the muffler place shows me the holes in my muffler so I know I need a new one. Kind of the same thing really. It's not like showing me a hole in my tooth or muffler makes me trust you more.

Do it for free. Now then I'd trust you.

I'm glad I don't have to show you a hole in your old greeting card company to convince you that you need a new greeting card!

Blatent sales pitch coming up ----Fattened Calf cards now available in four cities in Illinois! Also available online!

Your favorite ewe (now with clean teeth),
ginger

Solving Global Warming Again

2007-08-18T21:38:00.000-07:00

Pretty sure I got it figured out this time since no one liked my first solution. In watching Al Gore on Oprah (and every good ewe knows it must be true if it's on Oprah), it sounds like the main problem causing global warming is cars.

So what can we replace cars with for driving around in the city?

Of course, boats! Especially row boats for in town driving.

I know - one problem, no water BUT it looks like if we ignore global warming the world will flood from the giant icy things melting! Perfect. Then we can use the row boats and solve global warming!

So ignore or increase global warming until the flood and then we'll have it solved. Doesn't everyone love Vernice, anyway!

Another one solved. Please let me know if I can solve any other global catastrophes. Thanks!

Mary the Hollywood personal assistant

2007-08-12T19:14:00.000-07:00

How come there aren't any fairy tales about ewes. Closest thing I can think of is Mary had a little lamb, but the lamb didn't do anything...it just went everywhere Mary went. Boooring....

The turtle outsmarts the hare, the cow jumps over the moon. Even the billy goat was gruff. Iyt's not fair - I got nothin'!

Why can't it be cool like:

Mary had a little ewe.
Whose face was like a star,
When she went to Hollywood
A limo was her car.

The ewe got lots of movie roles
Enjoying lots of fame
Mary got the ewe's coffee,
And Ginger was her name!

Better I think.

Don't get wool on my Cheetos

2007-08-04T08:41:00.000-07:00

As an actress, I spend a lot of time watching tv and movies for research, and I recently saw the strangest thing. One of the news girls (her hair wasn't bad - think she was going for the Beckham/Posh Spice thing, but needed to let the bangs go a little) had a little tidbit in the middle of "So you think you can dance" (I think) that said, and I quote, "Death toll remains steady at 5 in Minnesota, have a great day."

She was really perky on the "have a great day" part.

Have to tell you, I was way confused on how to feel. Is it just me or is it wrong to mix perky and "death toll" in the same sentence.

Which brings me to my next greatest idea! I'm figuring TV wants to control our minds anyway - lets make it easy! Up in the right hand corner, put a smiley face if we're supposed to be happy and a sad face if we're supposed to be sad. This way we can really put our brains on autopilot. We can use the same faces that we IM with!

For example, every time I get sheared, I start getting hungry all the time. So I'll be watching a movie and suddenly want some Cheetos (the fluffy kind - not the crunchy). When I come back to the TV, I won't have a clue what's going on. All I'd have to do is check the face in the top right corner and get right back into the flick.

I know - genius!

(Sorry my boss is making me do this) ...speaking of funny, if you'd like 8 unique and funny greeting cards for only $19.92 + S/H click here http://fattenedcalf.com/purchase.html

(The cards are funny, my boss isn't...)

Anyway :) <--That means be happy!

Ginger cures cancer

2007-07-31T20:40:00.000-07:00

I think ideas are my strong point, but Jean-Luc seems to want to keep me on the phone all day. Jenny, my best friend, says I should quit but , honestly, I think she's just jealous that I've made it on a few greeting card covers and she just flips burgers (don't tell Jean-Luc).

So anyway - I came up with this ideas at church to cure cancer. The pastor guy says as Christians we're supposed to tell everyone about Jesus. So why not teach our non-cancer cells to witness! If you got like all your arm cells that are normal to go tell any cancer cells to come back and not be cancer cells anymore, how could they resist? I figure if you convince enough good cells to talk to the bad cells, you could convince a bunch of them to give up their cancerous ways. Like every other problem, if we would just communicate - it wouldn't be a problem.

By the way, I saw a family of Beavers lurking around the office. I don't know if they're auditioning for the next set of cards or, but their annoying me - they keep sticking gum in the water fountain to block it.

Wait! One last thing! We have cards in stores now! We are just getting started and about a number of stores are signing up to carry Fattened calf Cards. If you know a store that needs our cards, let me know or have them email me at ginger@fattenedcalf.com

Later.

Greeting Cards, Paula Abdul, and Al Gore

2007-06-28T21:57:00.000-07:00

Hi! As well as being one of the top actresses for Fattened Calf, I also take care of our customers. If you need cards, I'm your girl!

More importantly, I am working to become an actress in Hollywood. I almost made it on American Idol last season but Paula was kinda jealous of my singing and convinced the other two to vote against me. Next year, though, I'm gonna roll a little different and sing one of Paula's old songs to try and impress her. Straight up now tell me...

Anyway, I just wanted to say "hey" since we'll be selling cards in July.

Oh wait! I wanted to tell you about my idea to solve global warming! Why not have the government pay for all electricity and then we turn the air conditioning way up and open our doors. We could also leave our fridges and freezers open! Seriously, we could even put some giant freezers outside to cool the earth off.

Honestly I can't figure out why Al Gore didn't think of it. Do you think he's smarter when he's skinny. He was kind of dumber when he had the beard and was chunky. Now he's talking smarter after dropping the pounds. Anyway what was I talking about?