How overweight are Ewe?

When you're a Greeting Card actress like I am, the cellulite circles you like a shark trying to ruin your career. Many Greeting Card actresses smoke because the taxes fund our health care system. I'm not so kind as they are - not only does smoking kill you and your lungs, but it turns my wool yellow just being around it.

So this ewe must diet.

Even though my boss, Jean-Luc the cow, has assured me he won't fire me even if I get as chunky as Britney Spears, I still want to take care of myself.

I'm thinking even though there are bunches of diets available for 3 easy payments of $19.99 I might just try to exercise more and, well, eat less. Maybe I'll put together some DVD's and start marketing it - "Let Ewe trim you"

Would you trust an exercise/diet program from a company called "Fattened Calf? We'd include a free greeting card!

Sadly though, I think I know my problem. I'm a big fan of Rachael Ray so I've been putting some Extra Virgin Olive Oil on many of my meals. I'm starting to wonder if even though it's "good fat", if maybe it's making me bad fat.

Speaking of which, with the success of our company, I may have an invitation tied up to go on Rachael's show - which was great until I saw the episode on roast lamb. I'm a little concerned WHY I'm invited now. That shark picture may have new meaning now that I think about it...