Solving Global Warming Again

Pretty sure I got it figured out this time since no one liked my first solution. In watching Al Gore on Oprah (and every good ewe knows it must be true if it's on Oprah), it sounds like the main problem causing global warming is cars.

So what can we replace cars with for driving around in the city?

Of course, boats! Especially row boats for in town driving.

I know - one problem, no water BUT it looks like if we ignore global warming the world will flood from the giant icy things melting! Perfect. Then we can use the row boats and solve global warming!

So ignore or increase global warming until the flood and then we'll have it solved. Doesn't everyone love Vernice, anyway!

Another one solved. Please let me know if I can solve any other global catastrophes. Thanks!

Mary the Hollywood personal assistant

How come there aren't any fairy tales about ewes. Closest thing I can think of is Mary had a little lamb, but the lamb didn't do anything...it just went everywhere Mary went. Boooring....

The turtle outsmarts the hare, the cow jumps over the moon. Even the billy goat was gruff. Iyt's not fair - I got nothin'!

Why can't it be cool like:

Mary had a little ewe.
Whose face was like a star,
When she went to Hollywood
A limo was her car.

The ewe got lots of movie roles
Enjoying lots of fame
Mary got the ewe's coffee,
And Ginger was her name!

Better I think.

Don't get wool on my Cheetos

As an actress, I spend a lot of time watching tv and movies for research, and I recently saw the strangest thing. One of the news girls (her hair wasn't bad - think she was going for the Beckham/Posh Spice thing, but needed to let the bangs go a little) had a little tidbit in the middle of "So you think you can dance" (I think) that said, and I quote, "Death toll remains steady at 5 in Minnesota, have a great day."

She was really perky on the "have a great day" part.

Have to tell you, I was way confused on how to feel. Is it just me or is it wrong to mix perky and "death toll" in the same sentence.

Which brings me to my next greatest idea! I'm figuring TV wants to control our minds anyway - lets make it easy! Up in the right hand corner, put a smiley face if we're supposed to be happy and a sad face if we're supposed to be sad. This way we can really put our brains on autopilot. We can use the same faces that we IM with!

For example, every time I get sheared, I start getting hungry all the time. So I'll be watching a movie and suddenly want some Cheetos (the fluffy kind - not the crunchy). When I come back to the TV, I won't have a clue what's going on. All I'd have to do is check the face in the top right corner and get right back into the flick.

I know - genius!

(Sorry my boss is making me do this) ...speaking of funny, if you'd like 8 unique and funny greeting cards for only $19.92 + S/H click here http://fattenedcalf.com/purchase.html

(The cards are funny, my boss isn't...)

Anyway :) <--That means be happy!